In 2003, my world shifted. You never think you will lose someone until you actually do. I remember watching you scream and yell from the pain you were experiencing, tossing and turning in agony. Why should such a loving husband, father and grandfather have to go through this?! Everything happens for a reason they say. Some believe this statement and some don't. I believe that we are not given more than what we can physically, mentally and spiritually handle. Once you were gone, I went numb, no tears, just numb. I didn't feel any emotion, I didn't have any thoughts, I just existed. I watched my grandmother mourn, I watched my mother, aunts, uncle and cousins mourn the fact that you were gone, but me, I stayed in a state of denial for YEARS. I remember sitting in church one Sunday evening and all of sudden I began to weep, uncontrollably. I wasn't sure why but then as the thoughts began to flow, I realized, I missed you. After all these years, I am finally missing you. 14 years later, I still cannot get over the fact that you are gone. You weren't here to see me get married, you aren't here to spend time with your beautiful great-grandchildren. I want you here, I want to be able to listen to those old stories about the war and watch baseball games with you, I want to put puzzles together the way we used to, I want to beat you at UNO, just one time! But I can't. Because. You're. Gone. I think back to that day you were laying in the hospital bed, screaming. The one thing that gives me the slightest bit of comfort is knowing you are no longer in pain. You are resting peacefully now. I have come to terms with that. But it still, never gets easier. I love you and I miss you pawpaw. Rest in Peace!