Self-hate. I literally don't know where to begin with this one, so lets just dive right into it. As a child I can never remember myself being truly happy. Now when I say child I'm talking Elementary age and forward. I encountered bullying at a very young age, I'm talking kicking, pushing, pulling my hair, pinching, all of it. As the years progressed. I wasn't physically bullied but I was mentally bullied called ugly, black, fat by both girls and boys. The mental bullying turned quickly into not only others not liking me but me not liking me. Self-hate. I would cry in the mirror looking at myself I would hit myself and pinch angrily at the parts of my body I didn't like. From there, I developed an eating disorder. That lasted about a year. I would hide food from my parent's and find ways to get out of eating, by lying. As the weight quickly began to drop off I got a boost of confidence. False boost. By the time I completed high school I still felt awkward as ever, not really a lot of friends, didn't really feel confident being in people's faces. I don't really remember when in my life that my feelings of my self started to fade, as far as not liking myself, but as I became an adult, I didn't really care as much. I didn't get the mean words and abuse that I had encountered in school. So at this point, I could honestly say, I was okay. So fast forwarding through life 9 years, I'd had a baby, of course put on more weight and I'm right back where I was before. But this time it was different. I didn't have time to think those thoughts anymore, I had a child to take care of and he needs his mommy, no time for self pity or hate. It's time to be a woman! So what did I do? I cut my hair off and freed myself! It was a that moment that I FINALLY felt happy about me! I felt like a woman! I was comfortable in the skin I was in! I couldn't believe this was happening! Cutting my hair off was much more than "going natural" It was THE moment! I felt beautiful! Who know letting go of that could make you love yourself? Not only that but to be inspired to help other's find their own beautiful so they won't have to go through the mind battles I encountered. If I can help them get through it, that would be one of my greatest successes. So now, almost 30 I am feeling the best I've ever felt. I'm loving life, I have an amazing husband, I have a beautiful family and I am BLESSED beyond measure! It's weird to say but I'm thankful for those dark moments in my life! It made Amber who she is today! I hope this helps someone! If you are going through this, been through this or know someone who is, please help them! Silence is the soul's loudest cry!
May Peace Find You Always! XOXO